The Watchers of the Weight
by Swimmingly Yours
Summary: Sam decides to go to Weightwatchers' to lose some weight. 2 of A Series of Random Events. Check it out.


This is one in a series of stories by **happy molecule** and me. The first story, _Laughingus Fishius,_ is on **happy molecule's **account. Feel free to check it out. Just a warning – we aren't very nice to any of the characters. The parts here written by her are in italics. 

*We don't own the characters, nor LOTR. Just think about it, if we did, then we wouldn't be here writing about fish and Weightwatchers', would we? No, we'd be happily living in a mansion with an indoor heated swimming pool and ice-skating rink. And Aragorn and Joren, of course… But we own the idea of Sam going to Weightwatchers' nonetheless.*

by the way, when **happy molecule**, **edgy wedgy** or myself say co-written, it doesn't mean that we put our heads together and consulted every sentence…

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The Watchers of the Weight

Wow, so much time has passed since we went on the journey with the Fellowship. But the journey has left me with a sense of adventure. Since then, I have done many daring things : rode on a HORSE, climbed a tree, ran fifty metres. I mean, I tried to do these daring things. I did not succeed because *sniffle* I am too fat!

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Well, this upset me quite a lot! How come everyone else can do these things, but I can't? So I asked the wisest person I know. I went up to Pippin. He said his mushrooms said that I should go to Weightwatchers'. 

So now I'm standing here, looking at a door. I'm not sure what it says on the door, because I er, uh… can't read very well. But Pippin says Weightwatchers' is here and so I trust him. inside there is a table, and look! There's some food on it. Mmmm… food… I'm hungry.

But what is that I see? No cheese! Nooo… my life depends on cheese with tomato sauce and chocolate sprinkles (apparently Strider likes it too)! There is only celery, carrots and a cup of… pink stuff. _Eeeew! Pink! This place is creeping me out!!! Must escape from the pink. I turn around, and – no. Must stay. Must do this for Mr. Frodo. Ok. Someone's walking up to me._

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Argh! The watchers of the weight! (A/n: this was donated by a friend of ours.) It's – Arwen? What's she doing at Weightwatchers'? 

"Hi Arwen," I say, "What are you doing here?"

She seems not to hear me. "I look fat in my dress."

What's she talking about? SHE looks fat? At least she can ride a horse!

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I walk up to her. "Arwen!" I yell, grabbing her arm she suddenly realises I'm here and jumps in shock. She laughs nervously. 

"Hi Sam," she says. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to go on a diet," I say.

"Oh, really?" asks Arwen. _"I'm, uh, well, looking for…" she pauses._

"LEGOLAS!!!" she practically yells. 

"Why are you looking for Legolas?" I ask.

"Because, um, well…"

"Yes…" I prompt.

"Because he made my Aragorn's hair really bad!"

"Aw, that's not very nice," I say.

"Yes, well, ANYWAY, have you seen him?"

I shake my head. I haven't seen Legolas in ages.

"Oh, well, OK then. Bye." And she sprints out of the shop. I wonder what I'm supposed to do now. I walk over to the desk.

"Excuse me, I want to sign up for Weightwatchers'."

The lady looked up at me. "Jesus Christ! My God you're fat! Why the hell didn't you come to us earlier? You'll need to go on the super diet." She pointed to a corridor. "Walk to the end of that corridor and walk through the red door.

Ok, the corridor, the red door. On the door it says 'Participants for the SUPER DIET'. I open the door and walk in. what the –

Eeeeew! That woman sitting at the desk is REALLY fat. She's got, like, seventeen chins!

Oh, wait. I have eighteen. Oh…

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A skinny man is standing up. 

"Welcome all to the Weight watchers' SUPER DIET. First of all we'll start by," he walks over towards the door. Out of the blue he slams it. "LOCKING THE DOOR!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

He's closing the door? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

I run up to the door "No! you can't close he door! You can't –"

Help! Some people are restraining me and putting me back in my seat. I'm thrashing, but they are putting ropes around me and tying me up!

Suddenly – "Congratulations, the little fat creature with eighteen chins, you have lost two kilograms and three chins!"

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What the hell? Was it really that easy to lose weight? 

"Next stop – drastic measures".

The skinny man walks towards me and forces a yellowish liquid down my throat. Sweet Ero, that was disgusting! I'm starting to vomit all over the room.

"Good job, less fat, little creature," the skinny man says. I have finally finished throwing up. "You managed to lose another five kilograms, and six chins!

Wow! Now I only have nine chins! Cool!

"Now, last measure…" says the skinny man. He's advancing towards me… is it going to be really bad? Suddenly I feel lots of tickling! "Heeheehee!!!" That feels funny! OMG!!!

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Finally! The tickling stopped! Ok, it was funny at first, but after a while it got very tiring laughing for ages. I look at my watch. OMG, they've been tickling me for 3 1/2 hours! I feel so… light? The skinny man walks up to me, shakes my hand and hands me a piece of paper.

"Well, done, little weird creature. You have passed the SUPER DIET. Well done."

Everyone applauds. The skinny man leads me to a mirror OMG!!! I'm SKINNY!!!

***

I'm knocking on the door to Mr. Frodo's house. I want him to see how wonderful my figure's become. 

"Mr. Frodo!" I call. 

The door opens and there is my dear Mr. Frodo. 

"Hi, Sam, how –"

Suddenly he screams. "Fat! How come –"

OMG! He faints! NOOO!!! Mr. Frodo wake up! Can't you see that I'm skinny now? Aren't you happy for me? Or are you…?

THE END

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any comments? Flames welcome, I'm sure **happy molecule** won't mind.


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